Love Bites


What comes to mind when we think about office romance? According to a 2018 survey by Harvard Business Review, the issues involved are likely to be familiar ones for many of us. 40% of respondents said that they had dated a coworker; 30% said they had enjoyed a one-night stand with someone from the office, and almost half of all office romances lead to marriage. Meanwhile The 2018 Vault Office Romance Survey found that only 4% of people found the idea of being involved with a colleague entirely unacceptable, but many voiced a note of caution: almost half of respondents were concerned about the ‘power issue’ of a relationship between employees at different levels.  A third believed that it would be problematic for colleagues working together on the same projects to be in a relationship.

Given the many potential professional and personal implications, are office romances delightful or devilish? Is a hurried romp in the water closet less impactful to productivity than flowers in the boardroom? And is there a recipe for the perfect romantic relationship between colleagues? 

There are surprisingly few formal studies on office romance. A peer-reviewed paper published in Management Research (Pierce and Aguinis, 2003), enticingly titled “Romantic Relationships in Organizations: A Test of a Model of Formation and Impact Factors”, reported that office romances are potentially good for business: participation in a romantic relationship with a colleague was significantly associated with job satisfaction and commitment to the organization. More recently, in a 2015 paper in the Journal of Managerial Psychology, Doll and colleagues reported that the likelihood of being open to office romance is predicted by an interaction between the organization’s relationship policy, and the level of conscientiousness of the individual concerned. In other words, for some people office romances are about screwing the rules, while for others they are about the rules of…well, you get the idea.

On a more serious note, some office romances, with or without the blessing of the establishment, have the potential to wreak havoc on lives and careers. Some parties are more vulnerable than others – in a 2016 paper in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Chan-Serafin and colleagues reported that ‘hierarchical workplace romances’ (i.e. sleeping with the boss) can be highly detrimental to junior employees. Contrary to the common trope of people using romance as a way to climb the career ladder, these studies showed that junior participants in power-imbalanced office relationships were less likely to be selected for training opportunities and promotions. Interestingly – and perhaps also at odds with expectation – they also found that negative career ramifications were more severe for men in relationships with female superiors, than women involved with male superiors.

Becoming involved with the boss is not only a career risk – it can affect your working relationships with other colleagues. A series of studies by Sean Horan and Rebecca Chory, reported in Psychology Today, explored how people would feel about their coworker dating a superior. Employees indicated that they would trust them less, felt they had less credibility, and would even be more inclined to lie to them. These feelings were stronger if the coworker was female. The same results were found for hetero and gay relationships.

If the implications are so potentially treacherous, why do so many people still become involved in office romances? A large part of the answer lies in practicalities: with people spending more and more of their time in the workplace, where else would they meet potential partners? Workplace relationships also have the immediate advantages of common experiences, shared goals, and mutual friends – in a sense, they come ready made, with none of the usual groundwork involved in dating. Plus, as Pierce and Aguinis discovered, office romances are associated with satisfaction and commitment of more than one kind.

Clearly there are pros and cons associated with being romantically involved with a coworker – the negatives being potentially much more severe if there is a power disparity. For peers dating peers, the picture looks rosier: colleagues do not show the same levels of mistrust, there are less negative career implications, and, if the relationship is solid, there are advantages in enhanced teamwork and productivity. Nonetheless, anyone engaging in even the happiest of office romances must be prepared for gossip, distraction, and the potential drama should the loving couple break up.

However are there recipes to keep a healthy and perfect office romance? Find out next week as we draw insight from Good&Co’s Seven Rules for Surviving Office Romance. To be continued…..

Source: GOOD&CO

By: Eloke-Young Splendor

Dating Lauren for about a year now has been an uphill task.

He never seems to take his eyes off his laptop, his hands are always glued to his pen, his phone, an annoying third wheel, and his coffee his other best friend.

I thought I could deal with this before now, until I realized I was dating his job and not him.

Dealing with a workaholic partner has threatened many otherwise great relationships.

Dating a very busy man can be so frustrating and tiresome and can even make you question your worth, while creating a dangerous gap in your relationship.  While others have allowed the situation cause avoidable rancor in their love life, others have found innovative ways to help their partner balance their work schedule as well as explore every opportunity to add fun to their relationship.

Have you ever considered that your boyfriend does not know his attitude towards work could be causing great harm to your relationship? He possibly feels he is doing all he can to secure a happy future for you two. Considering this, helps you not to approach the issue with a nagging attitude. On the other hand, this situation gives you an opportunity to think outside the box as you initiate better ways to spend time with your lover.

Therefore, you must decide to make it work. A popular saying goes that perspective defines our response to situations. If you attach a positive view to the very busy nature of your partner’s job, your reaction to his workaholic attitude will be a positive one.  This could be the time to support what he loves. Every great man adores a spouse who supports what they love and vice versa. Your decision to make it work will help you adopt romantic getaways that suit into the very busy schedule of your partner.

Additionally, you could also help him set up a work schedule. Assisting your partner with setting up a work schedule will show him that you value and understand the priority he places on his job. In doing this however, you need to make a sure point of taking your own work schedule into consideration and leaving ample me time for meditation and personal activities.

In order to achieve this, you can ask your partner or his secretary at work for his schedule and try to compare it with yours. After comparing the two, you can work out a flexible schedule; especially one that does not also affect your progress too. Based on agreement, both of you can decide when to spend time with each other without the fear of hampering any of your work commitments. Trust me, your partner would be more relax at his job when he is assured that your desire for time and attention is not at the detriment of his career.

Another smart way to help improve your relationship with your work addicted boyfriend is by giving him a good distraction. A good distraction involves making an unscheduled work visit to his office. Everybody including a workaholic welcomes a bit of love and care when they have been stressed up with so much work. Giving him little quick visits with lunch packs will be a good distraction, it will also give him the support, care, and good feel after your departure.

As much as you make so much effort to support your workaholic boyfriend, you must also learn to listen.  The fact that your spouse’s job consumes his attention, time and energy does not mean that it also fulfills all his needs. He might not have the time to tell you about some of his emotional and material needs or even discuss with you how things are going on in his life, but listening to his needs will give you a better understanding of his schedule. It may even give you an avenue to become more supportive in helping him fulfil his career goals.

While your man may always be busy and have needs, be sure to address your needs in the relationship as well. Not every woman can deal with dating a busy man or has the commitment to change things in a relationship. It takes a lot of time to adjusting from being the needy lady and getting used to supporting a workaholic boyfriend but it is doable.

Getting busier yourself is a great distraction. The busier you are, the less likely you are to sit and whine about a workaholic boyfriend. You might just have him be the one trying to fit into your new busy schedule.

It was another Valentine day, and Sandra stood at the city mall, staring at a couple who came shopping. She wished she could be in the lady’s shoe but this will be very unlikely, and the thought left her sad, immediately.

She had met Clarke some months ago, and had thought that their relationship would have matured into romance. However, six months down the line, they had only become better friends and Clarke was yet to make any move about moving the relationship to the next level.

“I’m tired”, “I can’t wait any longer” she murmured to herself. This has been Sandra’s continuous trauma two months after she met Clarke. She wanted more and she was dying to have it.

Sandra is not the only one with such trouble; her situation is common with most ladies. Whenever they meet a nice guy whose manifesto befits their requirement (I.e. they are attracted to the person), first thing that comes to mind is romance and commitment.

Have you ever considered having a beautiful relationship with an opposite sex without expecting things to turn romantic or physical right away?

Is it compulsory to date every guy that comes your way as long as they are tall, dark, handsome, rich, or eloquent? Is dating the only way to know a guy intimately and enjoy good companionship?

The answers to these questions are up to you.

Meanwhile, there is nothing wrong with being friends for a long time without any motive of dating.

As impossible as this might sound to the hearing of some ladies, it could be the best solution or answer to all the failed relationships they have experienced in their life time.

You shouldn’t go out with any “good or great guy”, there is more to benefit from every relationship which might not be achieved when romance sets in.

Genuine Friendships helps you to make strong and wise decisions while considering taking the relationship to the next level.

Dr. Grace Cornish, a New York social psychologist, advises that romances that begin as friendships are more likely to succeed.

This could be true because after months or years of nurturing a genuine friendship you can solely take a stand on whether you wish to begin a romance relationship with such person or not without being scared about the result of your decision.

Many psychologists are of the opinion that marrying your friend or best friend is a guarantee to a lasting marriage because as friends, there is no pretense and everyone is open to each other. There is really no need to pretend to someone you are not attracted to, after all what would it cost you if your best friend finds out that you snore while sleeping.

In friendship, respect is cultivated, and both parties are kind to each other. Friends are always very keen on looking out for the best interests of their friends. Friendship-first creates space for mutual support and growth.

If these qualities are transferred into any marriage, you can trust that marriage to last for a lifetime.

You might want to ask “what if the friendship doesn’t lead to romance?”

It’s doesn’t always have to. Sad truth?

Situations where friendship-first do not lead to romance could be as a result of one person not finding the other attractive as a romantic partner but cool as a friend.  If that is the situation, there is really no need to worry because two people can be very cool as friends but may have so many troubles keeping a love affair. You should be more interested in what you stand to gain or become as a party to the relationship in terms of knowledge and growth.

You should also be interested in what you have to give or offer, remember friendship is not supposed to be a burden. It should not even amount to worries or headaches. Therefore knowing what you want and what you can handle is very vital.

In conclusion, it is always okay to be friends-first, all it takes is to be open-minded and real.

Friendship-first centers around making an impact on the lives of those amazing people we meet, with the impression of getting to know them better as we look forward to learning their stories and their preferences, while we lay aside our sexual or romantic expectations.


Miracle Nwankwo

The word compromise generally refers to an agreement or settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions; it could also mean the expedient acceptance of standards that are lower than is desirable.

In relationships, compromise is often viewed as the latter; and statistics have shown that women compromise more often than men do in relationships. This accounts for many problems in relationships, some women go into relationships believing that it is their place to make more compromises. It is important to note that both parties are expected to make some adjustments in order to accommodate each other in every relationship.

In this article, Barton Goldsmith Ph.D. multi-award-winning psychotherapist, syndicated columnist, author, and radio host gives us 10 Reasons to C.O.M.P.R.O.M.I.S.E. in Your Relationship – and he is not referring to women only.

Here is what he says about how to take a relationship from the battlefield to blissful coexistence.

Somewhere in a thesaurus far, far away, there is another word for marriage—and it is “compromise.” Each letter in this word, which has somehow gotten left out of the wedding vows, gives couples direction in how to take a relationship from the battlefield to blissful coexistence.

C – Compromise is something that combines qualities or elements of different things. It does not mean giving up or giving in. It is a blending of hearts and minds, and that is what makes a marriage.

O – Open your heart. Even holding back as little as one percent can make the difference between a loving and a losing relationship.

M – Maximize your willingness. Just being willing to compromise will encourage new ways of relating. The space you create allows you to change in ways you never imagined. Anyone who has ever grown in a relationship will tell you it’s much better than the alternative.

P – Promise is the second half of compromise. It means to communicate your commitment and dedication to the one you love. Do this on a daily basis and you will have a long-lasting and loving relationship.

R – Release your desire for control. Giving up having to be right or getting your way will make your life much easier. In addition, you are actually giving a gift to yourself (and your partner) by releasing any pent-up anger or fear. By holding on to the need to control, you are actually being controlled by your unhealthy emotions.

O – Optimistic couples have longer and healthier lives and relationships than those who are pessimistic. Doing your best to look on the bright side, while knowing that the dark times are almost always temporary, is an attitude that will make dealing with any situation easier.

M – Minimize your defensiveness. When your partner tells you something that you may need to hear, try to listen and consider what he or she has to say before you react. One of the best parts of being in a relationship is having someone there to help you look and be your best.

I – Inspiration is one of the greatest gifts a relationship can offer. Being connected can make you want to be creative and grow in ways you may never have thought of if you were alone.

S – Selflessness gets you more than you could ever want. Giving what you want to receive is the best way to communicate to your partner what it is you desire. You may also find that by giving to your partner, your needs diminish as the love between you grows.

E – Engage with your mate. Rather than trying to ignore or disconnect with the person you love, take a giant step toward him or her. It makes the experience of being in a relationship, as well as your communication, whole.

Compromise is not a hard lesson once you realize the gifts that come from it. Learning to work together will make your relationship and your life a better place to be.

Being coupled up should not be the end goal of your personal life: Being truly happy, regardless of what your relationship status is, should always be the priority.

In fact, you’ll likely be a whole lot happier single than you would be if you chose to stay in the wrong relationship. Below, relationship experts offer eight convincing reasons why.

  1. Not all relationships are created equally.

Relationship aren’t always mutually fulfilling. If you are deeply unhappy with each other, being on your own is probably the preferable option, said therapist Heather Gray.

“Having a person in your life doesn’t mean you have real love,” she said. “When you lie to yourself and pretend your relationship is something that it isn’t, you’re hurting yourself. That lie is embarrassing and shaming. It can make you feel weak and pathetic when you don’t even believe the story you’re telling. Your truth, even the painful one that this relationship isn’t right for you, frees you of that.”

  1. Confidence and independence are traits honed on your own.

There’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely. When you truly embrace single life, you’ll start to enjoy your own company, said Neely Steinberg, a dating coach and personal image consultant. (Plus, getting to sleep diagonally across the bed is pretty damn blissful.)

“It’s really important to have some time in your life to discover how to be single, how to be alone and how to get validation from yourself instead of from your relationship status,” Steinberg said. “When you’ve had time to explore your independence, you learn to be comfortable in your own skin.”

  1. Time spent in a bad relationship is time wasted finding the right one.

Not sold on the whole “being on your own is actually awesome” argument? Think of it this way, then: You can’t find the love you deserve if you’re giving attention to a dead-end relationship.

“You have to get yourself in the right place to find the person who’s right for you,” Gray said. “That won’t happen when you’re accepting less than you deserve [from the wrong person.]”

  1. Dating around can be fun if you give it a chance.

Swiping right and actually making a real connection — or finding Mr. Wrong and regaling your friends with details from your nightmare date — can be fun, said divorce coach Kira Gould.

“After my own divorce, I wasn’t sure what I wanted in a relationship and I dated all sorts of ‘wrong’ men — and I have to say, I loved it,” Gould told us. “Mind you I wouldn’t enter into a relationship with any of them; I just enjoyed the chance to explore, and ‘try them on’ so to speak.”

  1. Being single gives you the chance to figure out what you want — and absolutely don’t want — in a relationship.

You probably don’t want to date someone just like your ex — so what do you want in your next partner? Being single gives you the rare opportunity to answer that question with a clear mind, Gould said.

“You can’t assume you know what you want. As life changes, so do we, and so do our priorities, desires, and needs,” she said. “Being single in today’s landscape gives us many opportunities to date, and to explore what sorts of qualities we like or dislike in a partner.”

  1. That newfound independence makes you more attractive to potential partners.

Nothing is sexier than a person who can handle their life, said relationship coach Lisa Schmidt.

“Learning to accept and love who you are without a man or woman in your life makes you more desirable to partners,” Schmidt said.

  1. Staying in the wrong relationship is a recipe for sadness.

“There is nothing more painful than to feel lonely while in the same room as the person you’re with,” said Gray.

  1. Because ultimately, relationships don’t guarantee happiness.

Happiness lies within yourself, not in any would-be soulmate, said Steinberg.

“The truth is, a relationship will never bring you happiness if you’re not already happy with who you are and your life,” she said. “The best part of being single is that you get to explore life on your own time and your own terms. You get to figure out what makes you happy in life.”

By Brittany Wong

Recently, I hooked up with my friend Muna, who is into a bad relationship, and when we got talking she went off about how low she feels in the strange love circle. I had to ask her, why are you still with him? Strange as it may seem, sometimes it’s not just that easy to let go. And this is not peculiar to women; I’ve had male friends as well, who found they just couldn’t walk away from a bad relationship that easily.

It’s an emotional thing, much like that old pair of slip-on you have sitting by your bedside, you know it’s so worn out that you do not feel comfortable being seen in them, but you just do not let them go.

While we sat discussing her love issues, I remembered an article I’d come across earlier in the week, and I just had to share it with her; here Karen Vogel agrees that letting go of someone you love can be the scariest and most difficult thing you ever do, even if you know it’s the right move to make; knowing that nothing is better than being in love, so it’s only natural that when you are lucky enough to find love, you do everything in your power to hold on to it”. It gets to a point where you just have to do the needful and walk away; when that’s done, Vogel shares with us 5 ways to heal and find happiness again.

Give yourself permission to grieve: While your impulse may be to ignore the pain, suppressing it will only prolong the healing process. Grief is healthy. Yes, suffering is uncomfortable, but it’s important to let yourself grieve. The act of crying is scientifically proven to lower stress and elevate your mood.

Accept that it’s over: This may seem obvious, but sadly, many of us cling to a false hope that the other person will come back to us, and things will magically sort themselves out. However, dwelling on something you have no control over will only add to your misery. Sure, you may get back together one day down the line, but it’s best to assume you won’t, and prepare to move on.“ Acceptance grounds you in what is true, which is where you have to start for any true effectiveness, happiness, or healing,” says Rick Hanson, Ph.D. “Acceptance is the foundation of wisdom and inner peace.”

Distance yourself and get rid of relationship reminders: It’s helpful to think of this time as a cleansing period. Many people have a hard time letting go completely and stay in touch, regardless of how much it hurts. Cutting off contact, at least temporarily, is essential for your mental well-being. Also, get rid of the tangible reminders—pictures, clothes, and songs—that can trigger nostalgia.“ Even if the split is amicable, it’s important you both go your own way and stop leaning on each other because that keeps you emotionally and energetically tied,” says life coach Christine Hassler, relationship expert and frequent contributor to MastinKipp’s Daily Love. “You prolong your healing process and may be preventing learning the lessons you need to learn by continuing to have contact.”

Don’t relive all the happy memories: Remember the reasons why you broke up. Glorifying the past will do nothing but hurt you. It’s hard to think logically when you get swept up in such intense emotions, so when you catch yourself reminiscing about your ex, shift your focus elsewhere. Keep busy and find ways to distract yourself. “Join a running group, find an intramural team, play basketball at a nearby park,” eHarmony experts advise.

“Even taking your dog for more walks is good for both the body and soul. A little fresh air can go a long way when your brain is taxed and your heart is weary.”

Anytime I’m feeling vulnerable or second-guessing my decision, I write down a list of reasons why we broke up and reread it.

Remain optimistic and have faith you will find love again: When you let go of someone who was bad for you, you make room in your life for new people and new possibilities. Starting over can be scary, you may fear being vulnerable or getting hurt again—but it is only when you truly let go that a new love can come in. Prepare yourself by staying positive and focusing on what you really want, and you will ultimately find a healthier, deeper love.

13 Little Signs you are With The Right Person

By: Carolyn Steber

Relationships have its ups and downs. Sometimes you may feel that you are with the wrong person because it could get really tough but this doesn’t mean you have made the wrong decision in choosing a partner. Regardless of all the tough and rocky times, you would be able to tell if you are with the right person.If your relationship has a few of the traits below, it’s likely you two are going to be OK. It just may require a dose of understanding from both sides, as well as some extra work to make things, well, work. And, more often than not, that’s totally worth it.

  1. You Know How to Help Each De-Stress

Like I said, life can be tough and relationships can be rocky. But if you both retain the ability to laugh about it all, you’ll likely be OK. Do you watch movies to de-stress? Or make each other laugh? “These shared experiences help couples connect in essential ways,” says relationship therapist Julienne B. Derichs, LCPC. “It helps you learn how not to take things too personally, which is so helpful in any long-term relationship.”

  1. They Always Make You a Priority

If your partner makes you a priority in life, that’s an excellent sign they’re good for you. “We all have a lot pulling for our attention these days so if you’re still at the top of the list when times are rough, that’s a sign that your partner still respects and holds you, dear,” says coach Audra R. Upchurch.

  1. Your Partner Has the Utmost Respect for You

As I said above, respect is another foundation of a healthy relationship. “Respect can carry your relationship a long way, especially when emotions are tested,” Upchurch says. “Don’t allow momentary difficulties to cloud your judgement.” If they still have that R-E-S-P-E-C-T, then you should consider keeping them around.

  1. You’re Both Still Willing to Make an Effort

The moment your partner doesn’t want to put in the work is the moment you’ll know they’ve got to go. But, if they are willing to work things out, think twice. As Upchurch says, “The desire to continue fighting is huge! That means you both still feel and see a future together, even if the vision is cloudy. There is something there that is worth holding to.”

  1. You Trust Them and Feel Secure In the Relationship

It’s OK if you two don’t see eye-to-eye on everything, as long as there is a sturdy foundation of trust. If you can trust your partner it’s a good sign they are right for you. If this doesn’t ring true, however, it may be time to rethink things.  

  1. They’re Always There to listen and Offer Support

Another sign of a healthy relationship?An ability to give and accept support.If your partner asks how you are doing, and listens to your problems without judgment, it’s a good sign they’ve got your best interests at heart. And that’s the sign of a good match.

  1. Fights Are Always Rational and Fair

While it’s OK to argue, it’s not OK to fight dirty. So consider your partner a keeper if they know how to argue in a healthy way with you.

  1. You Communicate Clearly and Honestly No Matter What

It’s been said a million times, but communication is where it’s at when it comes to healthy relationships. So, if you and your partner know how to talk (and listen), then you’re likely good for each other. They make time and effort to communicate clearly and honestly, no matter what.

  1. You Both Remain Optimistic, Even In Tough Times

Life can get as rocky as it wants without destroying your relationship, as long as you both know how to remain optimistic. If a person gets stuck in their ways or ideas, working through things is difficult. If they are open to possibility and really hearing what you have to say, improvement is nearly guaranteed.” And that’s the key to long-term success.

  1. Most Problems Exist Outside the Relationship

Things like family troubles, money issues, or a loss of a job can really impact your relationship — and maybe even lead to a few arguments. But that doesn’t mean you two aren’t meant to be together. “All of the above circumstances have to deal with how the couple handles life issues and not whether or not they are actually compatible,” says dating expert Kevin Darné. “Granted, sustained difficult times can cause one or both people to want to throw in the towel. But as long as they’re not both feeling that way at the same time there is hope.”

  1. Your Partner Shows a Genuine Concern for Your Well-Being

At the end of the day, you’re with the right person if they make it obvious how much they care — even when things aren’t so fun. “Love doesn’t disappear because times are rough,” Upchurch says. “If your partner can look beyond what’s going on in the relationship and still be there for you as a person, this is someone you might want to hold on to, even during difficult times.”

  1. Neither Of You Tries to “Win” Arguments

There are few things more toxic than a partner who wants to win an argument at any cost, so take note if yours seems to be OK with being wrong. “Having problems and talking them through, even if you just agree to disagree, is a sign that you’re with the right person,” marriage and family counsellor Art Jackson tells Bustle. “When it comes to arguments, it’s less about ‘winning’ and more about learning how to communicate your point effectively.”

  1. You’re OK With Spending Time Apart

The healthiest of partnerships consist of two people who are cool with spending time apart. So count yourself among the lucky if you know how to give each other space. it gives you time to do your things, which is a huge key to success.