As ladies, there is this feeling that at a particular age, our biological clocks start ticking. This feeling prompts the search for answers to the numerous questions we ask ourselves. Some of these questions may include things like, ‘What is wrong with me’, ‘What is it I am doing wrong’, ’Am I beautiful enough’, ’Is there a particular way I should treat my man that I have not explored’, ‘Why am I not meeting the right people’. These questions are countless and more often than not rhetorical.

Here are some of the reasons you still have not found the kind of relationship you desire:

You’re Not Actually Looking for it

You say you want love, but you’re not doing anything to actively facilitate finding it. Go out. Go out a lot. Have friends set you up. Forget the way you “thought you’d find love”. There’s a difference between chasing it and going out to find it. Online dating and the like aren’t for the people who couldn’t find it, it’s for the people who decided not to settle or give up on searching.

Search for Love for the Right Reasons

Basically, you want love for all the wrong reasons. If you want the kind of love that makes you magically feel worthy, life-lovey and happy, whole and safe, you will have to draw up a list of your reasons and ensure you want a relationship for the right reasons.

You’re Seeking Only What you are familiar with

If what we’ve known in relationships is mistrust and lies and deceit and heartache, we re-create that again and again because that’s our baseline experience. We project what we’ve known what we know. We create what was in what is, simply out of a lack of awareness that the human brain desires comfort and familiarity more than anything else.

You’re Unwilling to Let Go of the Idea of What Love “Should Be”

Let go of the avenue through which it comes, and just focus on it coming. Love could be standing right beside you, but you’ve overlooked it because it’s not a brunette, charming, 6’3″, sexy hipster and a Fortune 500 CEO, or the girl next door you always found adorable, wife-worthy, and cute. Don’t go seeking the package and then complain when you don’t want what’s inside the box.


You’re Not Cleaning up Your Side of the Street

You’re not doing the work you need to be doing. Human life is evolutionary, and far beyond just physiological ways. It is the mental and emotional ways we grow that define our lifetimes. That said — we carry the residue of all the ways we haven’t fully healed or expanded with us unless we consciously choose to address it and let it go. Don’t fail to clean up your side of the street then sit and wonder what the problem is.

You’re Listening to Your Hormones More Often than Your Heart

You’ve confused love for the high rush feeling you get, which is just an attachment. Love is a fondness, a deep appreciation, and fully knowing who someone is and loving that person with everything you are. We’ve been wildly misled to believe love happens in the heart. It happens in the soul. Everything else is transitory.



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