Girl Talk

How Do I Know If the Feeling is Mutual?

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Kembet Bolton

Jasmine and Eric have been texting each other every day, they spend time talking on the phone and often pair off at social gatherings and some of the messages they exchange were downright flirtatious.

Jasmine was convinced the feelings were mutual, but just to be sure they were on the same page, decided to ask Eric where the relationship was headed.

I just see you as a friend, nothing more was Eric’s cold reply. What had seemed like a romance made in heaven, ended that night.

Like Jasmine, many young girls have found themselves in situationships of unrequited or mistaken love that often leave them heartbroken and devastated.  An article published by research gate pegged the percentage of suicide-related to unrequited love at 45%.

Why does this often happen and how can young people, especially girls recognize when it is just friendship?

Texting and social media make it easy for you to develop an emotional attachment to someone who in reality has no romantic interest in you.

There are different scenarios that might make someone keep coming back to you.

For one, a boy might be texting a girl just to kill time or out of boredom and the girl might interpret this as interest and may start to develop romantic feelings towards the boy.

 The bottom line is – Don’t mistake attention for affection.

Easier said than done? Yes, after all the heart is treacherous.  It can cause you to build a ‘sand-castle romance’ that washes away the moment you realize that it existed only in your imagination.

But what can you do?

  • Be Objective – Take a step back and analyze the relationship. Ask yourself, ‘Do I have solid reasons for thinking that this person is treating me differently from others?’ Don’t let your emotions hijack your “power of reason.
  • Be Discerning – Out of all those signs that make you think you might be more than friends, pay special attention to the signs that make you second-guess yourself. Don’t assume that just because you feel a certain way about someone, the feeling is mutual.
  • Be patient. Until the person says explicitly that he or she wants to get to know you in a romantic way, don’t invest more in the relationship than you can afford to lose.
  • Be honest. The Bible says that there is “a time to speak.” (Ecclesiastes 3:7) If you want to find out whether someone views you as more than just a friend, talk it out with the person. “If the feelings aren’t mutual, it’s better to be a little hurt now than to go on for months before realizing that this person wasn’t interested in the first place.”

Bottom Line

 “Safeguard your heart’’! If you feel drawn to someone, find out if that person is drawn to you. Allowing romantic feelings to take root before then is like trying to grow a plant on solid stone.

If you discover that the person does have feelings for you​—and if you’re old enough and ready to date​—then it’s up to you to decide if you want to pursue the relationship.

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