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The word compromise generally refers to an agreement or settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions; it could also mean the expedient acceptance of standards that are lower than is desirable.

In relationships, compromise is often viewed as the latter; and statistics have shown that women compromise more often than men do in relationships. This accounts for many problems in relationships, some women go into relationships believing that it is their place to make more compromises. It is important to note that both parties are expected to make some adjustments in order to accommodate each other in every relationship.

In this article, Barton Goldsmith Ph.D. multi-award-winning psychotherapist, syndicated columnist, author, and radio host gives us 10 Reasons to C.O.M.P.R.O.M.I.S.E. in Your Relationship – and he is not referring to women only.

Here is what he says about how to take a relationship from the battlefield to blissful coexistence.

Somewhere in a thesaurus far, far away, there is another word for marriage—and it is “compromise.” Each letter in this word, which has somehow gotten left out of the wedding vows, gives couples direction in how to take a relationship from the battlefield to blissful coexistence.

C – Compromise is something that combines qualities or elements of different things. It does not mean giving up or giving in. It is a blending of hearts and minds, and that is what makes a marriage.

O – Open your heart. Even holding back as little as one percent can make the difference between a loving and a losing relationship.

M – Maximize your willingness. Just being willing to compromise will encourage new ways of relating. The space you create allows you to change in ways you never imagined. Anyone who has ever grown in a relationship will tell you it’s much better than the alternative.

P – Promise is the second half of compromise. It means to communicate your commitment and dedication to the one you love. Do this on a daily basis and you will have a long-lasting and loving relationship.

R – Release your desire for control. Giving up having to be right or getting your way will make your life much easier. In addition, you are actually giving a gift to yourself (and your partner) by releasing any pent-up anger or fear. By holding on to the need to control, you are actually being controlled by your unhealthy emotions.

O – Optimistic couples have longer and healthier lives and relationships than those who are pessimistic. Doing your best to look on the bright side, while knowing that the dark times are almost always temporary, is an attitude that will make dealing with any situation easier.

M – Minimize your defensiveness. When your partner tells you something that you may need to hear, try to listen and consider what he or she has to say before you react. One of the best parts of being in a relationship is having someone there to help you look and be your best.

I – Inspiration is one of the greatest gifts a relationship can offer. Being connected can make you want to be creative and grow in ways you may never have thought of if you were alone.

S – Selflessness gets you more than you could ever want. Giving what you want to receive is the best way to communicate to your partner what it is you desire. You may also find that by giving to your partner, your needs diminish as the love between you grows.

E – Engage with your mate. Rather than trying to ignore or disconnect with the person you love, take a giant step toward him or her. It makes the experience of being in a relationship, as well as your communication, whole.

Compromise is not a hard lesson once you realize the gifts that come from it. Learning to work together will make your relationship and your life a better place to be.

Asia is adorned successful women in different fields of leadership, from business to politics, and education, these women have smashed through stereotypes and are today, an inspiration to the upcoming generation of women leaders across the globe.

Chen Lihua makes the list amongst many successful Asian Amazons in Asia, heading one of Beijing’s largest commercial property developers Fu Wah International Group, she stands out among Asian Amazons in business.

A self-made woman billionaire, Chen started her entrepreneurial journey to riches with nothing, through thick and thin, she kept at it and today, she ranks among the amazing success stories in Asian business. Rising from rags and then rags to riches.

Chen was born into a royal family, but Chen lost the advantages to royalty during her childhood and had to build her own fortune. Born in 1941 in the Summer Palace of Beijing, China, Chen is a descendant of a noble Manchu family of the Yellow Banner which collapsed at the time of her birth, and her family was thrown into poverty due to the fall.

The collapse of Manchu Qing dynasty was as a result of the spread of Japan’s armies across China. Prior to Japan’s armies’ advancement across China, the Qing dynasty had witnessed a major fall 3 decades before. Growing up as a child in the then collapsed Qing dynasty, Chen dropped out school to start up a furniture repair business so that she could beat life at its game.

On the course of this sole decision, she moved to Hong Kong in the early 1980s and started purchasing and reselling furniture. There, in Hong Kong, Chen grew her business into an empire and she was able to gather great wealth which she used to purchase 12 villas.

This move was a phenomenal success in the British colony of that time, and a rare achievement for a mainland migrant.

After settling for a while in Hong Kong, in the 1980, she returned to her home country China, and continued her activities in the Chinese real estate market, and in the early 1990s, Chan founded the Fu Wah International Group.

She however, did not pitch her tent in real estate, but began to spread her tentacles into other various fields like hospitality, tourism, production, electronics, and production of red sandalwood.

Chen has over the years, worked her way back into the place of wealth and royalty by her efforts. Today, she sits as one of China’s top commercial real estate owners, and one of the richest self-made women billionaires across the globe.

Businesses owned by Chen include: the Fu Wah International Group, Beijing, which owns some of the most popular properties, including Jinbao Tower, Regent Beijing, Chang’An Club, Beijing Hong Kong Jockey Club etc.

The China Red Sandalwood Museum, one of the biggest privately-owned museums in the country of China, founded in 1999, on an investment of 20 billion yuan, it covers 25,000 sqm. of the area.

Chen is also popular for her philanthropy and social responsibility works, in 2004, she donated 265 million yuan, and 130 million yuan in 2005 for disaster relief.

She is a mother three, a son and two daughters, Chen is happily married to the Chinese actor Chi Zhongrui and she now resides in her Chinese Red Sandalwood Museum.

Although she has a rich husband, she has not mixed his wealth with hers and has attained her wealth all on herself.

In recent years, Chen Lihua has handed over her business management ventures to her son and prefers to concentrate instead on her museum.

As the popular quote goes – Falling down is a part of life. Getting back up is living.

Chen Lihua leads a perfect example of getting back up and living.

The healthcare of children as every physician knows is very different from that of adults, while the world sees children as miniature versions of adults, in medical practice, there is a certain complexity that is associated with the anatomy, physiology, and pathology of children that is very different from that of adults.

While the emphasis of treatment in adults is measured in the accuracy of the doses of prescribing medications that of children is measured on the precision of treatment, hence there is a big difference in the management of children who are barely 1kg apart in weight, and some children can be about the same age and weigh differently, therefore, requiring different doses of the same medication whether it be drugs, intravenous fluids or blood transfusion.

In Africa and developing countries due to the underdeveloped nature of the Healthcare system, National Health Insurance Schemes are primordial levels of development, the attainment of universal health care is far-fetched and children are the worst impacted.

Unfortunately when mothers and caregivers visit the hospitals for treatment of a particular illness and medications are prescribed and the child recovers , if the same child has similar symptoms the next month, the mother who has held on to the used packaging of the previously prescribed medications goes to a local chemist or pharmacy to repeat the same prescription for an illness which she believes has similar symptoms either to avoid the cost of Investigations, consultations and other fees which the hospital may charge.

The mother or caregiver forgets that the child has since increased in weight and so the repeating the same drugs at the previous dosage prescribed is suboptimal to the child and may result in a cascade of complications which may endanger the health of the child which may include

  1. The development of Resistant strains of viruses, bacteria, and protozoa: In these days of self-prescription of medications, there is an increasing rate of development of resistant strains of Malaria, Typhoid and other parasitic infections as a result of under-dosage, lack of completion of medications and abuse. This results in thousands of children in Africa and developing world dying from complications of easily preventable illnesses and increasing the cost of treatment, hospital admissions, morbidities, and mortalities as a result of this resistant strains of pathogens.
  2. The spread of these Resistant strains: Especially for infectious illnesses, these strains can be passed on from one child to another and can cause an epidemic of resistant bacteria and protozoa requiring a tertiary level of care and increasing exponentially the cost of treatment and the disease burden.
  3. Increasing the time lag for the access of care for the child: Most times when children start manifesting symptoms of illness, using the wrong medications can keep the pathogen in a state of rapid multiplication while the child may seem better, by the time the illness re-manifest, you are now dealing with severe forms of the illness. This is typically seen by in a notorious habit of mothers/ caregivers resulting in the use of analgesics for fever. If the offending pathogen is that causing Malaria or bacteria, the fever is a sign that the pathogen is actively multiplying and releasing toxins into the bloodstream, when analgesics and antipyretics are used, the fever abates but the microorganisms are still present and actively multiplying and by the time, the fever is back, the pathogens have multiplied tenfold, resulting in sometimes overwhelming infections which may invariably lead to the death of the child.

Any doctor practicing in the region of the developing countries will agree that the common trend in the consulting rooms is that by the time mothers and presenting with very sick children they have been on all kinds of antibiotics, anti-malaria, antipyretic which have most times being underdosed or overdosed. This potentially causes significant damage to the organs such as the liver, kidney of these children whose developing organs are still sensitive to the toxic effect of the medications.

Worse still is the fact that some medications which should in no condition be used in combination because of the potent toxicity to the children and most times seen, as well as the use of banned medications, expired drugs and medications taking at adult doses are frequently occurring theme seen in consulting rooms in developing countries

So how do we solve the problem

  1. Mothers are usually advised to be minimalist in their intervention when children are seriously ill, the goal should be that of first aid if the child is an ill endeavor to ensure that that child sees a physician as soon as possible. Mothers can engage in interventions such as tepid sponging and exposing for children with high fevers, with the goal of ensuring that a physician sees the child as soon as possible.
  2. Development of regulations involving the sale of medications without doctors’ prescriptions to prevent abuse of medications.
  3. Strengthening the National regulations on Health Care and Healthcare reforms to ensure that children have easy access to healthcare.
  4. Massive health education on the dangers of self-prescription and the effect on increasing disease burden in the society

In conclusion a concerted effort by health care practitioners, institutions, government, and the family is necessary to reduce the deaths associated with children, the developing world accounts for 70% of child mortality due to poor health-seeking behavior and health education, self-prescription to avoid costs, health care practitioner mortgaging the health of child for financial benefits in chemists and pharmacies, insensitive healthcare systems and lack of political will and government policies. All poor child mortality indices which plague the developing countries.

 

By – Dr. Ezie Patrick C
Founding Chair; Junior Doctors of Africa, World Medical Association

 

Elaine Lan Chao continues to unleash her leadership potentials in the various political position of the United States Government.  She did not get up the ladder without a fight, she had her fair share of apartheid struggles, but with the help of her parents’, she was able to overcome and shine.

Elaine Chao was born in Taipei – Taiwan, the first, and eldest child of her parents among six daughters. She migrated to the United States with her mother and two sisters at age eight. Before the migration, Elaine’s parents although Chinese lived in Taiwan. Following the political turmoil, societal upheaval, foreign invasions and civil war in China at that time, which resulted into so many hardships, instability, and uncertainty that caused many to leave the country in search of peace and safety.

Her parents first met in Shanghai during World War II. In 1949, but got married in Taiwan, having relocated separately to the country. A few years later, Elaine’s father received a scholarship to further his studies abroad. He left for the USA, and three years later his wife and three daughters, Elaine, Jeanette, and May to America.

Life did not turn out so rosy, as the Chao family arrived America things became difficult, with no family or friends settling in became a challenging experience.  Elaine was enrolled in Syosset High School in Syosset, New York, on Long Island as a third-grader. The school was not fun as she could not communicate in English. She spent school days alone because she could not understand anything her teacher or the other students said. Having started off her early education in Chinese language, Elaine had been accustomed to writing in the language.

Soon, she learned to speak and write in English with the help of her father who took out his evenings teaching his little daughter by patiently going back over each day’s lessons.

Against all odds, the family grew into a united and loving family and never lost their steadfast belief in the promise of America. James and Ruth were able to empower their girls to thrive in the new country with the hope of a better future. Both parents were an inspiration to their daughters, as they instilled in them the importance of family, faith, education, hard work, self -discipline, self-sacrifice, self-reliance, determination, service and contribution to their community and Society.

At age 19, Elaine was naturalized as a U.S. citizen, and in 1975 she received a Bachelor of Arts degree in Economics from Mount Holyoke College in South Hadley, Massachusetts, followed by an MBA degree from Harvard Business School in 1979. Elaine did have her fair share of achievements, during her days at Harvard Business School, she was the first woman at Harvard to be elected class officer and class marshal. She was an active member of the finance club, the financial accounting club, the international business club, and the transportation club.

After her education, Elaine started her career in the banking industry, she rose to become Vice President for syndications at Bank of America Capital Markets Group in San Francisco, California. She also served as in international banker at the Citicorp in New York, before joining the United States Public Service sector, where she has served over twenty years.

Elaine has served in various platforms and position right from the presidency of Ronald Reagan over America and to this present President Donald Trump administration.

Despite the early struggles to fit in, this woman of colour has set the pace for other aspiring women in diaspora.

Grece Ghanem; Instagram’s New Icon of Ageless Style

“Stay visible! Once women pass a certain age, they don’t get looked at anymore,” says Grece Ghanem, a 53-year old personal trainer from Montreal, without so much as a sigh of self-pity. “I don’t take that into account. I still wear things in a fun way. I don’t have to disappear.” It’s safe to say that there’s no chance of that happening.

Ghanem has gained her 48,000-strong Instagram following because she’s so feisty and fearless about putting herself and her style out there in the world. This is ageism-be-damned, a fact not lost on the likes of Sephora and Club Monaco, which have flocked to collaborate with her.

A quick scroll reveals that Ghanem’s distinctive signature look—terrific choppy gray bob; the twinning of exquisite big-ticket tailoring and love-worn denim; and trademark big sunglasses—is utterly tangible and real. Pieces get constantly repeated—the Gucci dusky-pink floral jacket and pants; the in-heavy-rotation jeans and a shirt; the big and boxy Céline claret pantsuit worn together or apart; the fling-it-over-absolutely-everything leather biker—again and again (like, you know, we all do). Nothing gets worn once. Nothing gets discarded; she still has pieces from back when she was a student in Beirut in the early ’80s. And nothing ever gets hashtagged.

Yeah, you can spot the labels—the Balenciaga, the Acne Studios, the Phoebe-era Céline (her abiding obsession)—but to Ghanem’s mind, she’d rather you clocked her and how she has worn them first. Ghanem’s weakness for statement accessories from the aforementioned labels—the black velvet GG-embellished fanny pack, the pointy pink satin mules courtesy of Mr. Gvasalia—somehow only amplifies how much she shops her own closet every single day. “I live in my wardrobe,” she says. “I always look at what I have first. I don’t buy just because it’s a trend.”

This approach—make the best of what you already have and work with it—is as true to Ghanem’s life as it is to her style. She left the strife of Lebanon in 2005 with her daughter, Cheyenne, now 22, to start anew in Canada, leaving behind more than the lovingly curated Gucci and Céline that she had been collecting since she was 18; she also waved goodbye to her family and to her career as a microbiologist. Unable to practice that profession in her new homeland, she turned to personal training. If life gives you lemons, add them to the water in the gym you’re working at.

That acceptance of what has gone before touches her Instagram, too. Ever since she started it two years ago with Cheyenne, as a means for them to have fun together, Ghanem has chosen never to delete a post, to obliterate what went before. Now, she says, she feels a sense of responsibility to the young women in their 20s and 30s who make up a substantial part of her followers, to show that style is a constant work in progress. Oh, and, by dressing her best life, that she doesn’t—and by extension they don’t—have to disappear into the shadows just because the needle hits 4-0. “I am disappointed [women of my age] are not represented on the runways and in magazines,” she says. “But in the end, it’s you and not the clothes that matter. When you acknowledge yourself, everyone will see you.”

Written By: Mark Holgate
Photographer: Cheyenne El-Khourry

Trust is an important part of any relationship. It represents your belief in someone’s good sense, ability or honesty. As your daughter gets older and starts becoming more independent, it can be difficult to find the balance between a teenager’s need for independence and privacy, and your need to know what’s happening to keep them safe. Find out how you can stay involved in your child’s life through building a trusting relationship.

Here are some tips from parents reach.com, that could help parents understand why building trust is so important; work on how to avoid your child breaking your trust; and learn how to develop mutual trust with her.

Why is building trust with your teenager important?

Your child needs your trust to help them in their transition through to adulthood. However, this trust needs to be mutual. You and your child need to meet in the middle and develop a healthy way to trust in each other and each of your decisions. Remember that the more this mutual trust is tested, the longer it will take to get to a place where you are both confident you can trust each other. A relationship without trust leads to second-guessing and questioning each other’s honesty. When your child was young they probably trusted you unequivocally, as the person that kept them safe.

However, as children grow up and become more independent, they start to notice and question more. It’s around this time that your child may notice whether you do what you say you will do, which is a key factor in building trust. As a parent, you can’t demand trust. It’s a gradual process that requires mutual commitment and it will inevitably strengthen your relationship. It will also set your child up to develop healthy relationships in the future. It’s worth noting that teenagers are going through an intensely private time in their lives. Personal space becomes very important to them, so the desire for privacy doesn’t always mean untrustworthy activity is taking place. It’s important to keep that in mind.

Benefits of building trust with your teenager. By building a trusting relationship with your teenager, you’re likely see many benefits, including:

Your teenager feeling open and comfortable to talk to you about difficult things – Parents always dream of having a close relationship with their daughter, where she feels free and comfortable enough to share important aspects of her life with them.

Your teenager demonstrating positive, trustworthy behaviours in other aspects of their life, setting them up for positive relationships into adulthood. – Every parent looks forward to their daughter evolving into a responsible and balanced adult.

Building a relationship with your teenager that goes beyond a parent-child disciplinary relationship, and strengthening your bond for years to come. – You want to be her confidant, the first person she thinks about when she needs to share an important aspect of her life with someone.

What if my child breaches my trust?

Breaches of trust are to be expected, especially as your child starts to push boundaries to test their independence. Depending on the impact of their actions you should work with them to decide on appropriate consequences, which could range from a simple chat about your expectations, through to removal of privileges while they show that they can rebuild trust.  Remember that as a parent, you’re the most important role model in your child’s life, and it’s vital that you demonstrate honesty and trustworthiness, in order to teach your child how you expect them to behave.

Talk to them about the importance of honesty and trust, but also make sure it’s reflected in your actions. If your child repeatedly breaks your trust without showing any signs of remorse, or if they show self-destructive behaviours, it might be time to seek help from a professional, such as a counsellor or psychologist, as this could indicate other underlying issues. Consider connecting with other parents in your community to reliably stay informed about your child’s activities and friends.

“Female Candidates Face Violence and Abuse Ahead of Kenyan Elections”

This was one of the headlines that graced the pages of Huffington Post in July 2017 prior to the last Kenya general elections. It was a case of bullying women out of governance yet we see leaders of the world hold conferences with elaborate themes pointing towards the strengthening of women’s participation in governance. Is the world truly ready to accommodate women in governance, or is it a finely orchestrated ploy to make women mere spectators?

The Community of Democracies (CoD); a global intergovernmental coalition composed of the Governing Council Member States that support adherence to common democratic values and standards outlined in the Warsaw Declaration, in 2017, compiled several reports geared towards analyzing methods through which continents of the world can strengthen the participation of women in governance and other socio-economic activities. Excerpts from some of these reports will be reviewed in this article with a focus on developing nations.

AFRICA

The opening paragraph largely explains the African situation as regards women and their political ambitions. The African structure promotes male-dominated political party leadership which deters women. Gender stereotypes, religious factors, and sociocultural norms are barriers the African woman encounters.

Only a few women dare run for office because they feel they will not have the support of their family or community. Vocal women or female community leaders are often labeled as “troublemakers” in a society where men and elders have the right to speak or act, not women or youngsters.

Other women do not even trust the abilities of other women because of long-standing social and cultural beliefs. In the political scene, women are often marginalized and, as a consequence, they lose confidence in themselves.

ASIA

In 2017, Halimah Yacob became the President of Singapore after running unopposed in the country’s presidential election. This has been seen by many as an inroad for women who wish to be active in governance. Despite this edge, many countries in Asia still lack solid democratic structures, comprehensive electoral laws, and other instruments necessary for healthy democratic governance. Other barriers Asian women are faced with include gender stereotypes – The idea that women should be relegated to the household and family duties; cultural attitudes and gender bias against women in public life; great difficulties in being nominated as candidates; lack of resources and inadequate support from political parties for women candidates, compared to support for male candidates; fear of potential loss of income for the family; reluctance to expose themselves to increased public scrutiny as public figures; and a strong and prevailing cultural mindsets that holding political office is a man’s job.

MIDDLE EAST

About the most hit in this array of marginalization cases, would be the Middle Eastern women. Political Islam has, in many countries across the region, served to exclude women from the public and political spheres. Due to this reason, political parties have hesitated to recruit and nominate women as political candidates, even among those women who are already party members. Sectarianism has similarly contributed to weak levels of women’s political participation in Lebanon.

The security situation in many states across the MENA region has affected freedom of movement, especially for women who in turn lack public spaces for meeting and discussion.

In a patriarchal country like Afghanistan, women are limited by barriers such as restricted movement during elections. Afghanistan’s women still face high levels of discrimination due to traditional, socio-religious or tribal factors; rights to self-determination and active participation in the development of public life are still extremely limited. Few women are able to influence the political and economic development of their country or community in order to ensure that political measures are designed for the benefit of all. On the whole, most women still feel ashamed to be seen in socioeconomic and political meetings.

SOUTH AMERICA

According to the International Institute for Democracy & Electoral Assistance (IDEA), gender-based inequities are clearly present in the organization and structures of political parties, as shown in studies conducted by International IDEA and the IADB. The studies conducted between 2009 and 2015 show that there remain gender gaps in the political parties which have not yet been closed and which persist over time. The pattern is constant: in terms of militancy, the presence of men and women is very similar, but in decision-making spaces and levels, women’s participation is decreasing. In other words, there is a “power pyramid” in which “the greater the power, the lower women’s presence”.

Year after year, women are told how to encourage other women to take up positions of governance and go a step further by supporting the cause, the few who have been able to break through the stereotype are asked to serve as mentors to others, these seem to be beside the point because without fair play all of these steps are meaningless as long as women who resolve to be supportive to candidates are harassed for doing so.

Strengthening women’s rights and addressing barriers to political participation are critical to achieving gender equality and female empowerment. This is why one of the pillars of UN Women’s work is advancing women’s political participation and good governance, to ensure that decision-making processes are participatory, responsive, equitable and inclusive.

The findings from these reports make the clamour to strengthen women’s participation in governance seem like a losing battle despite several obvious successes achieved in the last few years. Nevertheless, every woman must join in the advocacy and continuously push these issues to the fore.

In making a case as women, we must understand that attaining complete gender equality across the globe will be a tedious task. It may require a consistent push for several years, or it may be a case of “we win some, we lose some”. Whichever way it turns out in the near future, women must remember that they are indispensable parts of their society, country, and the world.

By Eruke Ojuederie